


They Live On

by orphan_account



Series: One-Shots [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Growing Up, Nightmares, Post-Sburb, Psychological Trauma, Sadstuck, Tumblr request, grimdorks - Freeform, learning to cope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They scream in the dead of night, plagued by machinations of their own minds</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Live On

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of two requests that I got on tumblr that asked for Grimdorks cuddling and comforting eachother.
> 
> It escalated from there.

They scream in the dead of night, plagued by machinations of their own minds.

The game ended five years ago and ejected them back into the ordinary world at the age of 18, leaving them scarred and flawed in a place that knew nothing of their pain or sacrifice. Their guardians never returned and the gashes in their young hearts were doomed to stay open for the rest of their pitiful lives.

The first three years were brutal, when they were shifted around through foster care from family to family, never staying in one place too long.

John was too chaotic, his mood swings taking him from exuberantly happy to furious in two minutes flat.

Dave was too jumpy and rough, always fighting, never letting down his guard for a single second.

Rose was too cold and calculating, with an almost sinister persona that threw many people off.

Jade lived alone on her island, her mind battling the night terrors and sudden bouts of fear that she experienced after the game.

The game hadn’t simply ejected them, it had broken them into shards and slivers of pain, anger, regret, and loneliness.

As soon as they turned twenty-one the four of them agreed through pesterchum that they were going to move out and get a place of their own. Jade’s grandfather had left her a vast fortune that allowed her to complete her college education and obtain a degree in nuclear physics. Dave’s Bro was the sole owner of a multi-billion dollar puppet fetish industry, and all this money had gone to Dave as soon as he turned twenty-one. Rose’s mother somehow had millions stowed away for her, and Dad Egbert had left John a decent amount of money that he had built up over the course of his lifetime.

They had enough to buy the grandest and most luxurious house imaginable, with servants to please their every whim and desire.

Instead they bought a decent house in the suburbs, enough to fit the four of them. It was a stereotypical thing, with two floors, an attic, a basement, and a garage. The backyard was large, bordered by the woods, and a white picket fence surrounded the property. John’s eyes watered when he saw the picture and the resemblance the house held to the home he grew up in with his father.

Rose arrived at the airport first, dressed in a black shirt, shorts, and a purple belt. Her makeup was worn away from travel, revealing pink lips and dark circles underneath vibrant purple eyes, but never had she been so content, so happy.

She was finally going to see her friends again after three long grueling years and all the pain and sorrow she went through was well worth this moment.

It took two more hours till the next flight arrived, this one holding John. He met Rose in the waiting area, dropping his bags and sweeping the smaller girl up in a crushing hug. She simply wrapped her arms around his waist and patted his back with her long fingered hands comfortingly, as if this little reunion was just a blip in her system, something that she shouldn’t make a big deal out of.

The only thing that gave her away was the wet spot her tears left on John’s shirt coupled with watery and bloodshot eyes.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you Rose. I missed you,”

“I’ve missed you too John, as well as the rest of our friends. I hope that they’ll arrive soon,”

They waited for four more hours before another one of their number arrived. Jade Harley  literally fucking bounded at the other two, knocking them to the ground in a tacklehug of some sort. She was crying, her dark hair splayed everywhere and her glasses hanging off one ear.

“I missed you guys so much!”

One hour later, Dave Strider walks through the terminal gates and is instantly knocked over by an exuberant mop of long black hair. He lands on his butt and Jade instantly straddles him, gathering him in a spine snapping hug and burying her head in his bony shoulder.

Dave simply lets out a small, pained smile and wraps his long arms around her.

“Sup Harley?”

He views the other two walking up to him and smiles.

He was finally home.

 They unload their bags from the car and walk into the house, surveying the surroundings.

“Not too fuckin bad if I do say so myself,”

“I call the attic room!” Jade yells, scrambling upstairs with a few of her bags. Dave rolls his eyes and follows her, eager to pick a room of his choice. Rose goes into the office room, observing the space and the features available there.

John goes straight to the kitchen.

It’s in pristine condition, fully furnished with an oven, a dishwasher, a refrigerator, a microwave, a sink, an island, and a nigh’ on ridiculous number of cupboards. It even has a considerably large pantry with shelves already installed in.

John smiles sadly, trailing his fingers along the surfaces, looking out the window on top of the sink. He gets to the dual oven, and suddenly, he’s assaulted by memories of his dear deceased father and struck with the sudden familiarity that comes with being in kitchens for a majority of his life. John remembers all the cakes and pastries his father used to bake, each one more and more extravagant in an effort to please his only son, the love of his life. He remembers the rich aroma of cake intermingling with his father’s masculine aftershave and the smell of tobacco smoke that always seemed to linger wherever the older man went.

He remembers all the times that he argued with his father, all the times he insulted the man and made fun of his harlequins, all the times that he refused anything his father gave him just because it bore the Betty Crocker name.

He remembers all the times that he had hurt his father, all the times that he never got to apologize for.

The Heir falls to the ground with his hand covering his mouth, emitting low muffled sobs.

And that’s how Rose finds him ten minutes later when she walks into the kitchen. She’s by his side in an instant, asking him if he was hurt and what was wrong. John turns his bloodshot blue eyes at her and simply utters three words.

“I miss him,”

Those three words work their way into the Seer’s heart as her body remains frozen, her own terrible mistakes catching up to her.

She remembers every single time she called her mom a drunkie, every single time she insulted her mother for being a horrible parent. She grew up too fast, adapting to the mentality of an adult when she was merely a child, and she abused that mentality, using it to verbally and passive-aggressively beat down her alcoholic mother.

Rose remembers the nights she cried to herself, cuddling her cat Frigglish against her chest, the nights she smashed wineglasses and screamed at her mother, screamed that she wished she had better parents, screamed that she wanted people who actually loved her and cared for her, screamed terrible things that slowly twist her heart and break her soul as she remembers them in the cold and  harsh epitomes of her pre-pubescent voice.

And her mother’s response would always be the same, heartbreaking line.

“I’m tryin my best Rosie, I really do love you,”

Rose’s thick façade breaks down as she slumps next to John, a hand over her eyes and a constant throbbing ache in her heart. She missed her mother, she missed her so much that the pain was physically beating her from every angle, leaving her bruised and broken and fragile as a china doll.

She feels warm arms wrap around her as John cradles her against his chest. Rose grabs onto his shirt, clenching her fists as she cries, letting out six years’ worth of tears and hidden misery that had been bottled up inside of her, searching for a way to burst free. John continues to hiccup slightly as his sobs slowed down, encasing Rose in his embrace and petting her soft almost-white hair soothingly, leaving feather light kisses on her forehead mixed in with the constant murmurings of ‘I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, we should have never played that game, I should have never asked you guys to play it with me, this is all my fault.”

The other two found them shortly after and joined them, guilt overwhelming their bodies and pent up emotions and pain spilling out, swift and strong as a crashing tsunami, wreaking devastation on everything around them. Dave even took off his glasses, tears flowing freely from his bright red eyes as he told stories about his Bro and how much he missed the older man.

They fell asleep on the cool kitchen floor that night, a mix of tangled limbs, tears, and sorrow intermingled with missed opportunities and apologies to the ghosts of the past who would never hear them.

They live comfortably after that, each of them pursuing a task to keep them occupied. Rose continues to work on her book ‘Complacency of the Learned,’ and knits in her free time. Dave continues to work out, strifing against the others and against practice dummies that he had set up in the backyard. He mixes sick beats, each one different and unique but tied together with a central style that made his heart beat along to the pounding rhythm and made his soul pull itself away from his mind and focus on the music enveloping his body, making his blood thrum. Jade practices archery and gunmanship, going as far as to build a shooting range in their backyard. She plants a garden which she tends to lovingly, allowing it to grow to incredible proportions. John becomes somewhat of a carpenter, creating beautiful items with a hammer and wood. He bakes whenever he has free time, taking up his father’s art and inventing it with new methods and styles that were entirely his own.

He takes out his father’s hat and pipe time to time, donning it and sitting stick still for a few moments with a sad expression on his face. He could smell the tobacco and aftershave, he could almost feel his father’s warm touch and gentle reassuring smiles.

Nights are spent watching movies and laughing at their own strange and crazy antic. Their beds are unused on most nights, when they opt to fall asleep on the living room floor, the movie in front of them abandoned in favor of nightmareless sleep. The mornings after they wake up in a mess of limbs, John with a trail of drool down his cheek and hugging the people around him, Rose with her face smooshed against the pillow, Jade with her hair all over the place, and Dave lanky ass Strider stretching his legs and arms over all three of them.

They laugh, they cry, they live, and they move on slowly, the pain a bit less prevalent as the days go by.

About a year and a half after they all meet up and begin living together, Jade makes a shocking announcement.

“I got a job,”

The other three looks at her inquisitively, still slurping the spaghetti that John had cooked up for dinner.

“It’s with a travel company,”

Rose drops her fork, John has a coughing fit, and Dave freezes with a meatball hanging halfway between the plate and his mouth. His red eyes are wide, his emotions clearly visible without his shades on. Ever since they moved in together, he promised that he would keep his glasses off around them, and true to his word, he kept that promise diligently.

John takes a big gulp of water and his coughs sputter down slightly, until they’re occasional little puffs.

“You WHAT!?”

Jade cringes slightly. “I got a job with a travelling company. They travel all over the world, looking at hotels and places to visit and tourism opportunities. They offered me an interview and I took it and I got the job,”

“Jade, are you aware that a travelling job means that you’re going to be away for long periods of time?”

“I know Rose, I really do, but I wasn’t cut out for this. I want to spend my life adventuring, seeing the world, making every moment count. I’ll visit you guys as much as I can but this is what I was meant to do. I can’t just sit around idly all day doing absolutely nothing.”

She looks excited, almost enthralled with the prospect of travelling the world much like her dear grandfather did.

John sits there, a small sad smile forming on his face. He’s becoming more and more like his father each day, his attitude changing rapidly to accommodate his growing maturity.

“Then go ahead, if it makes you happy, do it,” he says. Jade grins at him widely.

“I agree with John, if travelling makes you happy, then you may do what you desire,”

They look towards Dave, who still hadn’t spoken up.

“I’m going with her,”

The other two look at Dave with shocked expressions donning their faces, while Jade squeals and flings herself at him, making his chair topple to the floor with the two of them still in it.

* * *

Dave and Jade leave two months later, Dave having successfully secured a job at the same travel company. They bade the other two goodbye, and hop into the car with their bags, set for the adventure ahead.

John and Rose return to the house in silence.

“So, what do we do now?”

The question echoes through their heads as they sit on the sofa. John turns on the TV and begins to flip channels, while Rose sits with her laptop on the other end of the couch.

The house feels empty without Jade’s bright laughter or Dave’s echoing music.

John flips on a Nic Cage movie and watches in bored silence. Suddenly, he seizes up, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed. Rose notices the difference in his composure and quirks an eyebrow at him from behind her laptop.

“Is something wrong John?”

He slumps back quickly and puts on a strained smile.

“No, why would you think that?”

“No reason, you just seemed….tense,”

John puts on a thin lipped expression and continues staring at the TV, blinking rapidly. He fails at subduing his tears, allowing a few to slip down his cheeks, dripping off the tip of his chin.

Rose sighs and shuts her laptop, coming closer and sitting next to him.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

John shakes his head and stares at his lap, tears still slipping down his cheeks, some getting caught in the slight stubble that was now forming along his jawline.

“I believe it would help a lot if you talked about it,”

“It’s nothing Rose, I just remembered the trolls for a moment. Vriska…..she used to always love this movie. She even got Karkat to watch it once, even though he was a shouty asshole about it,”

“Since when was Karkat not a shouty asshole?” Rose says, smirking slightly. John gives off a halfhearted laugh.

“Yeah, I just really miss them sometimes,”

Rose puts on a forced smile and looks at him, her eyebrows drooping.

“I miss them too,”

“You probably got hit the hardest, with Kanaya being your girlfriend and everything,” John says, not thinking for a moment. His head snaps up as the full realization of what he just said hits him, and he stares at Rose, a fearful expression on his face.

“Oh my god I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,”

Rose lets out a bitter laugh, gritting her teeth and staring at her pristine fingernails.

“Kanaya and I broke up months before the game ended. We were better off as friends anyway,”

John’s eyebrows furrow as Rose sits there, her eyes misting up and her teeth gritted.

“I’m sorry,” he says, lifting his hand up to hold hers, but thinking better of it and placing it back on his thigh. She notices the movement and grabs his hand, making him flush slightly.

They fall asleep holding hands in front of the TV, a mixture of tears, snot, red eyes, and broken hearts.

* * *

Dave and Jade send postcards occasionally with pictures of the locations that they visit. They send photos of them posing in front of famous landmarks, such as the Taj Mahal and the Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen. Dave takes his shades off almost all the time nowadays, opting only to keep them on when there was harsh sunlight and crowded areas nearby, or when he went to social gatherings.

He still keeps them balanced on the top of his head though. They were a gift from his dead guardian, something he would keep near his heart for the rest of his life.

John and Rose look forward to their postcards, the two of them nearly bolting out of the door as soon as the mail arrives every afternoon.

They read Jade’s letters with wide smiles and laugh at Dave’s ironic selfies and photos. John chuckles when Jade sends an exuberant letter that states that Dave asked her out. Rose simply rolls her eyes and grins. She tucks them away in a drawer for safekeeping, taking them out when the pang of missing them became too much for her to bear.

They make do without their missing pieces and lead a life that is as close to normal as they can manage.

Yet, under the sheer blanket of normalancy that they put on to appease the outside world, there is an ocean of turmoil and pain that they suffer on a normal basis.

They both have nightmares, machinations of their minds that leave them bolting up in the middle of the night, crying and heaving and panting. Rose screams in her sleep, John whimpers and sweats and cries, often puking as soon as he is awoken.

One warm night, John lay awake, sitting on his bed with his laptop in his lap, typing an email addressed to Dave.

His heart nearly stopped when he heard Rose scream his name.

It was an ear shattering noise so full of fear and pain that it made his blood run cold. He bolted up, knocking over his computer chair, and sprinted to the door.

“ROSE! ROSE HANG ON I’M COMING!” he yells, running to her room. Her door is slightly ajar and it rattles on its hinges as he slams it open.

She’s lying on the bed, her hands fisted in the coverlet, her eyes closed tight. Her face is pale and sweaty, her mouth quivering slightly.

Suddenly, she begins to scream and it’s all John can do not to turn tail and run as far from her as he can.

“John! Oh my god they’ve got me help me! They’re coming John you have to run they’re going to get you too the horrorterrors are coming I can hear them you have to run!” she lets out an inhuman guttural screech and John loses his nerve, abandoning all rationale on instinct of pure animalistic fear. He runs out of the room panting, his breath sharp in his lungs. Scrambling into his bedroom, he locks the door and slumps against the closet, his head in his hands.

He falls asleep next to his desk, silently crying into his forearms.

The next morning John avoids Rose, choosing instead to wake up before her and eat his breakfast first, leaving hers in the fridge to reheat. He decides to take a walk through the park to clear the turmoil and guilt encasing his mind.

The park is quiet and warm, with slight dew from the night before coating the blades of grass on the ground and the scent of summer in the air. He walks, wrapping his muscular arms around himself and simply wandering aimlessly, weaving through the trees and bushes.

He felt guilty, so damn guilty for leaving Rose when she needed him the most. She was a prisoner of her own mind, much like he was, suffering on a daily basis and reliving the worst moments of her life over and over, every single terrible night.

That afternoon John cooks her favorite dinner just to make it up to her. She laughs and asked him what the special occasion is.

“Nothing, I just wanted to make something that you liked for a change,”

“That’s very sweet of you John,”

He laughs for a moment, and looks back at his food, nibbling at it slowly.

* * *

He’s woken up by her screams once more.

This time, they’re worse than the night before. She screams out warnings, names, and things that don’t even sound like English. John’s heard them before, when he met her while she was stuck in the Grimdark throes.

She was reciting things in the language of the horrorterrors, a deep inhuman language that struck fear into the hearts of all that were unfortunate enough to fall victim to it.

He took a deep breath, and got out of bed, clad in his blue plaid pajama pants and a loose blue t-shirt. He walks over to her room, cringing every time she screamed, abrupt terror clenching his heart and pushing him fairly close to screaming himself.

His fear and apprehension disappear as soon as he views the state she’s in.

She’s curled up on herself, moaning and screaming and clutching her hair. Tears run down her pale cheeks as sobs wrack her body.

John runs over and grabs her shoulder, shaking it slightly.

“Rose, Rose can you hear me?”

He shakes it again, a bit more firmly this time. Rose’s eyes bolt open, and she scrambles to the other side of the bed in an instant, nearly scaring the shit out of John.

“No, get away, they’re going to get you too!”

She has a wild, crazed look in her eyes and a blanket of fear coats her face. Her entire demeanor, so far from her usual self, terrifies John in way’s he can’t comprehend. This was not the Rose he knew, this was not the girl he met when he was thirteen, and this was definitely not the girl he’d harbored a slight crush on for nearly ten years.

The thing he saw in front of him was a broken creature, a slave to her own mind and the forces that had taken control of it in the terrible past.

“Rose it’s alright, nothing’s going to get me,”

“No get away John, I can hear them! They’re going to do terrible things to you, please, please run!”

She squinches her eyes shut and grabs her hair, pulling it and burying her head in her knees.

“I can hear them, they’re talking to me, why are they doing this to me?” she whimpers. John crawls onto her bed on his hands and knees, stopping right in front of her.

“Rose, the game’s over, they can’t hurt you,”

He gently grasps her wrists and tugs her hands away from her head, then proceeding to lift her chin with a gentle finger so that’s she’s looking into his eyes.

Blue eyes meet purple bloodshot ones and it takes all of John’s self-control not to break down right then and there.

“The game is over Rose, you’re safe, I’ve got you, I’ll protect you, you’re safe.”

The wild look slowly fades from her eyes as he gently wraps his arms around her and places her on his lap, cradling her against his chest.

“You’re safe,” he whispers to her, “You’re safe and I’ll protect you. I promise I won’t let go of you, never again.”

She slumps in his arms as her visions fade, her small sobs and hiccups making their way through her entire body as she wraps her arms around his neck, crying into his shirt.

“John I’m so sorry,”

“You did nothing wrong Rose,”

“I got you killed during the game , I woke you up, and now you’re worried about me,”

“It’s alright. The game’s over Rose, let’s put it behind us. I have nightmares too, but I wake up knowing that we’ve made it, we’ve won and now we’re safe.  And for the record, I’m always worried about you, no matter what you do.”

She furrows her eyebrows.

“Why?”

“Because I care about you, you mean a lot to me,” he says earnestly, looking at her splotchy face. She stays quiet for a few moments, sitting in his arms before he shifts around and puts her back on the bed.

“I’m going to go to bed now Rose. If you need anything, just call me.”

John gets off the mattress, ready to leave when he feels her small hand close around his wrist. There was so much emotion in her eyes, despair, pain, fear, and something he couldn’t seem to identify.

Was it longing?

“Can you….stay the night?” she asks, her face scrunched up and on the verge of tears. John nods and crawls in next to her, bringing the blanket up around the two of them.

“Sure Rose, I’d be glad to.”

John lets Rose use his arm as a pillow, and wraps the other one protectively around her shoulders, holding her to his chest. She stay’s close to him, placing her head on his chest and allowing the strong and steady beat of his heart to lull her into oblivion.

They fall asleep in a tangle of limbs and slumber more peacefully than they ever had before.

Sleeping together became almost a nightly routine for them after that, each taking advantage of the feeling of protection and comfort the other gives. Human touch becomes an absolute necessity in their lives, gentle hugs and embraces keeping the nightmares and memories of their past at bay.

They live on, spending each day a little lighter, a bit happier.

* * *

Dave and Jade come visit around Christmastime, bringing a bit more warmth and life into the large house.

Dave takes John aside after dinner while the girls are chatting in the living room.

“Hey bro, I gotta ask you something,”

“Go ahead Dave,”

Dave looks almost nervous, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet slightly, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twisted up slightly.

“I wanna know if you’re okay with me..uh… proposing to Jade,”

John’s eyes widen almost comically as he grins at the taller man.

“You’re going to ask her to marry you?”

“Yeah man, I know she’s your ecto-sister and all, and I wanted to know if you were okay with it,”

“Are you kidding me? Of course I’m okay with it! If you and Jade get married, then we’ll be related, like…almost-brothers!” John says excitedly. Dave rolls his eyes.

“Calm down dorkbert, you look like you’re about to spontaneously combust,”

They both return to the living room and join the girls in a game of monopoly, cursing and laughing amicably whenever one of them ends up in jail.

Dave asks Jade to come outside with him after a short amount of time. She asks him why, and he tells her that he wants to show her something ‘really fucking cool’.

“What do you want to show me?”

“It’s a surprise Harley, can’t just out and tell you,”

“But Daaavvveee,” she whines, pouting slightly, making him smirk.

“No if’s and’s or plush butt’s Harley. A surprise is a surprise and my mouth is sealed shut,”

As soon as they leave, John rushes to the window next to the door with Rose in a tow. She raises an eyebrow at him quizzically.

“What exactly are you doing John?”

“Shhhh, just watch,”

The two of them look outside to see Dave talking to Jade, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing furiously. She looks confused, cocking her head to the side and pursing her mouth.

Suddenly, Dave drops onto one knee and pulls out a small black box. Jade’s eyes widen comically and she claps a hand over her mouth as he opens it, revealing the ring inside.

The dark haired girl tackles him into the cold, damp snow and they could hear her excited squeal as she kisses him full on the lips. Rose lets out a little ‘awww’ and John grins widely.

“Looks like my brother finally found something that will make him happy,” Rose says, her  smiling lips glinting slightly. John turns and stares at her, mesmerized by how delicate yet strong she seemed, the way she appeared to glow in the dim winter light, her pale hair and skin giving her an almost ethereal and otherworldly quality.

John looks up and silently applauds himself for remembering.

“Um…hey Rose,”

“Mmmm?” Rose hums, looking at him. He points upward and she grins when she sees the mistletoe hanging above the door.

“Christmas tradition Rose, you know we can’t break it,” he says, a goofy nervous smile plastered on his blushing face. John’s dark hair is ruffled up from him nervously running his hand though it and Rose couldn’t help but acknowledge how handsome he looked at the moment.

She grabs his collar and tugs him down to her height, putting her forehead flush against his, feeling his warm breath breeze over her own mouth.

“I wasn’t planning on breaking it,”

They bring their lips together slow, sweet and full of passion and longing. Both of them have longed for this, yearned for the heart of another that cared for and loved them unconditionally, asking for nothing but the same in return.

After a few moments, they break apart, foreheads still touching and smiles on their faces.

“Merry Christmas Rose,”

“Merry Christmas John,”

They live on.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is magnificenthoofbeasts.


End file.
